I'm not free

I used to think they were profound what you wrote , talking about the struggles we all go through, but since I find this is ALL about some lame chick that left you for some other guy....I can't read it with the same kind of admiration I once did.
To beat yourself and flagellate yourself to the point of wanting to die over some woman that you idolize and yet that other guy is already getting tired of her, amazes me you'd do that with your brain power.

NO ONE is expendable and is only meant for one person. We have a million "one person's" for all of us and as good or better than the last, but sometimes inside us lies this little corner of the brain that thinks to us....
I deserve this....I need this pain.....I am the victim and will play that roll out.....I need to be beaten and suffer....instead of saying what stable people say and that's this.....

I love what we had, and it was gift to me even for that short time we had it, and yet it wasn't meant to be. There is surely another perfectly suited good one out there waiting to meet me. I must pick myself up and clean myself off, and give that new perso something to be attracted to when she comes by.

NO MATTER how much YOU suffer.....none of that will do a thing to bring her back my friend. all the best.